Letters to Loki
by oreoluvver
Summary: Basically Thor writes a letter to Loki. Read the story to find out more.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note- This is my first fan fiction. It probably stinks, so try not to hate it too much. :)**

Dear Loki,  
Director Fury informed me that I could contact you from Asgard by way of letter, so I sent you this. How are you doing? I am enjoying life in Asgard at the moment. Do not take offense to this, but without you here stirring up trouble things have actually been quite peaceful! There haven't been any wars or anything like that since you left. Please tell Captain of America that I said hi. Oh and tell the tin man hi too. And the green man, the scary lady and birdbrain. But please do not tell them I called them by those names, as I do not wish to be injured.  
Your brother,  
Thor

Dear Thor,  
I happen to have a very busy life so I will keep this short. I hate you.  
Drop dead,  
Loki  
P.S. I am not your brother!

* * *

Dear Loki,  
I do not know why you are always so grumpy. It simply does not make sense to me. And if I may make a suggestion, perhaps if you called me brother it would make you feel happy inside! Or maybe you simply need a hug.  
Your brother,  
Thor

Dear Thor,  
You are an idiot, and you have the grammar skills of a monkey. Now what was I forgetting to mention? Oh right, I hate you, I do not need a hug, and the day I call you brother is the day when mortals grow wings. So ha.  
Drop dead,  
Loki  
P.S. I forgot to tell you, but I showed the mortals your letter. They are coming for you. Well, except for Steve. He wasn't offended.

* * *

Dear Loki,  
I am not happy with you! That was supposed to be a secret! Now I am nervous... And of course, Steve, the least frightening one is the only person who did not take offense to the content of the letter! Gaa! But anyhow, what are you doing on this fine day? I am removing the wrinkles from my cape!  
your brother,  
Thor

Dear Thor,  
1.) I do not care if you are 'happy with me.'  
2.) I do not keep secrets.  
3.) Forget everything I said before, Steve is now coming for you as well.  
4.) I am sitting in a CAGE at S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters. What do you think I'm doing?  
5.) I do not care about your cape.  
6.) I hate you.  
7.) if you call me brother again, I shall 'freak' as the mortals say.  
Drop dead,  
Loki

* * *

Dear Loki,  
I do not understand why you remain so obstinate about the brother thing. Perhaps if you can admit that deep deep down in your ice cold soul you still consider me family then maybe I will bust you out of that cage. But only maybe. It will get me in trouble, so I hope you realize how big of a risk is for me. And do you know any tricks that can help me get all the wrinkles out of my cape? Perhaps you could ask iron man. HAHA! Do you get it? because he is iron man and I am ironing my cape?  
Your hilarious brother,  
Thor

Dear Thor,  
What does Jane see in you!? Anyway, I am your brother. You are my brother. We are brothers. 'Bros.,siblings, kin, family, whatever. Your are my brother. Thor plus Loki equals brothers. Thor and Loki are related. You, Thor, are my brother. Now bust me outta this crate.  
Your brother,  
Loki

* * *

Dear Loki,  
You have been 'Loki'd'. Or as the mortals would say PSYCH! Hee-hee.  
Your brother,  
Thor

Dear Thor  
I hate you. Please destroy that last letter or else I will destroy you.  
Drop dead,  
Loki

* * *

Dear Loki,  
Oops! I have already made copies of our conversation and posted it all over the mortal's internet. I am sorry. Please do not destroy me. I am already bruised from where the other avengers ambushed me when I walked to Jane's house for my weekly visit. And have you asked Iron Man about my ironing problem yet?  
Your still hilarious brother,  
Thor

Dear Thor,  
Fine, since you insist, I will not destroy you. I'll blow up all of North America as soon as I escape from this crate. Plus, I hate you, so why should I care about your cape? And really, the Iron Man joke isn't funny.  
Drop dead,  
Loki  
P.S. For the 2,304,207th time, I am not your brother! (And yes, I have been counting.)

* * *

Dear Loki,  
Please do not blow up North America! That is where they make pop-tarts! Oh, and Jane lives there. But think of the pop-tarts! Surely you aren't that cold!  
Your brother,  
Thor  
P.S. This is the last letter I can send you for now, as I am out of paper. I shall have to get more when I go to visit Jane this weekend!

Dear Thor,  
I hate pop-tarts. Thank you for giving me yet another reason to justify the extermination of the human race. Oh yeah, I fully intend to show Jane your letter. She will be so happy that you considered pop-tarts more important than her. I AM NOT YOUR BROTHER!, and I hate you.  
(Please!) Drop dead,  
Loki

* * *

H**ey, so please review and tell me what you think. I can't read minds! :) **


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Loki,  
I have gotten more paper from the store, and now I can  
contact you! I have been so lonely without you to talk too. Jane was mildly angered at me during my last visit… She locked me out of the house. I assume this means you showed her my last letter?  
Your brother,  
Thor

Dear Thor,  
I think Jane has the right idea. She may not be as stupid as I previously thought. But it was not I who showed her the letter.  
Drop dead,  
Loki  
P.S. If you are going to continue to say things about people that you do not want them to read, perhaps you should stop putting this conversation on the internet. Just a thought.

* * *

Dear Loki,  
Perhaps you have a point… Alas, it is too late now. Jane will hate me forever!  
Your despairing brother,  
Thor

Dear Thor,  
I did not notice this until now! I had forgotten to tell you two essential things in my last letter! I hate you and you are not my brother! Now all the mortals will think I actually have feelings! Ack!  
Drop dead,  
Loki  
P.S. I am glad Jane hates you. I do not know why you think I care about all of your minor issues. For the last time, I am evil! Evil does not get concerned about someone's love life!

* * *

Dear Loki,  
That is cold. Absolutely cold. Everyone knows that you have an abnormally small heart, but I never thought you would stoop to that level!  
Your brother,  
Thor

Dear Thor,  
I happen to have better things to do. Like read my fan mail. So I will keep this short: I hate you, I do not have a heart, and we are not brothers!  
Please drop dead!  
Loki

* * *

Dear Loki,  
You receive fan mail!? What kind of twisted psychos would idolize YOU!?  
Your quite surprised brother,  
Thor

Dear Thor,  
Since you seem doubtful of these fan letters that I receive, I shall include one of the letters I got. It is in the envelope with this letter.  
Enjoy being jealous,  
Loki  
P.S. I still hate you. And I am still not your brother.

(Loki's fan mail)  
Dear Loki,  
I think it was so awesome how you destroyed New York. I never liked cities anyway, and I literally cried when the Hulk beat you up. I don't know why everyone thinks your evil. You aren't really. You just need a hug! If you decide you need one, just send me a letter! I would love the chance to hug a Loki!  
Sincerely,  
Your Number One Fan

* * *

Dear Loki,  
I find that letter somewhat disturbing. Do you receive many letters from these mail fans? Just remember, do not offer to meet any of these people!  
Your concerned brother,  
Thor

Dear Thor,  
On account of the fact that that you told me not to, I set up a meeting with six of my 'mail fans' at the coffee shop tomorrow. I hope this goes well. If not, you will be blamed.  
I still hate you,  
Loki  
P.S. Really. Stop with the brother stuff. And drop dead.

* * *

Dear Loki,  
Jane likes me again! I brought her flowers and apologized! Now she loves me! Yay! I hope your meeting with the mail fans went well. I do not want to be blamed!  
Your brother,  
Thor

Dear Thor,  
This is Stark. Loki is sort of…. in a full body cast. Yeah. He's telling me what to write…. Here it is:  
1.) Do not ask about the body cast, okay?  
2.) I really hope you're not posting this on the internet.  
3.) How dare you allow me to go to a meeting with six crazed fans!? I thought you were nice!  
4.) Just in case you were wondering, you caused this!  
5.) I hate you!  
6.) We are not brothers!  
7.) I do not care about Jane! Growl!  
Hee hee! Loki is still talking but I am ignoring him. I wanted to write for a little bit. So how are things? I am glad to hear about you and Jane. Ignore Loki's bitter ranting. I'm sure that deep down he still considers you family. You're posting this on the internet? Bwahaha… I'm listening to Loki again. This is what he says: I love you Brother Thor! And I send love and hugs.  
Your loving brother,  
Loki

* * *

**Authors note- Please review! I am not psychic! I cannot tell if you like the story or not just by looking at it! Therefore, to give you a little bit of incentive, I am holding the next chapter hostage until I get three reviews. So ha. :P**


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Loki,  
Could you please tell me why you are in a full body cast? I know you told me not to ask, but I am curious. And I return the love!  
Hugs, Thor

Dear Thor,  
This time it is Natasha. Loki saw what Stark did to the last letter and decided not to let him write anymore. Okay, here Is Loki's message: I am in a full body cast because a whole mob showed up at the fan meeting instead of only six people. I think that you posting this on the internet may have something to do with that. Then, that idiot Stark, who was supposed to make sure I did not attempt to escape, swooped in to 'save' me and ended up dropping me into the mob. Therefore, I am in a full-body cast. (Don't let him fool you Thor. He didn't break the pink on his left hand, so technically it's not a full-body cast. It's an all-body-except-for-the-left-pinky-cast. Its Natasha by the way.) And it was not I who sent the love and hugs, that was Stark pretending to be me. I hate you very much and I am not your brother.  
Please die a slow horrible death,  
Loki  
P.S. This is Natasha again. I am sure Loki loves you back. Way deep down. Really really deep down. Like, bottomless pit deep. But he does love you back. Surely.

* * *

Dear Loki, I am so sorry that you were thrown into a mob. But why did Stark swoop in to save you if he was just going to throw you back to them? Could he not of simply placed you back on the ground? I know you have some evil tendencies, but I did not think you were that bad! Can you please ask Natasha if she knows a store where I can get some good nail polish?  
Love and hugs from your brother,  
Thor

Dear Thor,  
Natasha is writing again. Loki said that I did an okay job on the last one so he made me his official letter writer. Yay. Anyhow, Here are his exact words:  
1.) Thor, I refuse to answer anymore of your moronic questions.  
2.) What is wrong with you!? Nail polish is for girls!  
3.) Here's a better question, what is wrong with Jane!? What does she see in you!? I just don't get it!  
4.) I do not like hugs!  
5.) I HATE YOU!  
6.) It is now the 2,304,212th time I have said this; WE ARE NOT BROTHERS!  
DROP DEAD!,  
Loki  
P.S. Natasha refuses to tell you where to get nail polish because you are a man. Men do not wear nail polish.

* * *

Dear Loki,  
Please answer my moronic question. I am dying to know. And eh... I knew that. The nail polish... was... for... Jane! Yes, It was for Jane. So there, I have proven that I am normal. :P I love you so very much, BROTHER, and I thought perhaps I would come visit you at SHEILD. Is that okay with you?  
I'll see you soon, (I hope!)  
Brother Thor

Dear Idiotic,  
(he's still in a full-body-except-for-the ya know what? forget it. He's still in a cast, and im still writing for him.) Fine. since you insist, I will tell you answer your moronic question. The mob attacked me, and Stark swooped down to save me. He flew us up to the top of a building, and we were met by more fan girls. They mistakenly thought he was trying to hurt me, and attacked him. So the nincompoop threw me off the building, just to save his sorry butt. He claims that he forgot I had no magic. HE LIES LIKE A FREAKING RUG! And if you set one foot in SHEILD, I WILL BLOW UP NORTH AMERICA AND RUB IT IN YOUR FACE!  
DROP DEAD, YOU NON-BROTHER THAT I HATE,  
Loki

* * *

Dear Loki,  
See you tomorrow, brother.  
Love and hugs,  
Thor

* * *

**Hey, thanks to everyone who reviewed. you guys rock. I'm sorry it took so long to update, but I had a severe case of writers block. So, if you want the next chapter, help me out and make some suggestions! XD thanks! see ya next chapter! XD **


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Loki,  
I know what you did and I am quite offended by it!  
How dare you!,  
Thor

Dear Thor,  
Hey. Nat is still writing. And I'm still ticked off about the whole Scary Lady thing, so don't think you're off the hook for that. Anyway, here is what Loki says: If by, "What I did," you mean telling all the nurses and doctors in the SHIELD infirmary to be on lookout for a giant blonde lunatic who is convinced he is the god of thunder, and is in need of mental help, I did no such thing. I had Stark do it for me, being that he owes me one. Plus, he's a lot more convincing then I am. Oh, and I am curious, how did that play out?  
I still hate you,  
Loki

* * *

Dear Loki,  
I went to SHIELD, and Pirate man told me where to find you. So I went to the infirmary. When I got there, I was asked to leave my hammer outside. I did not like it, but I knew I could call for it in a moments notice if needed. After I got inside, I flagged down the first nurse I saw and asked where you were located. First she gave me a strange look, then asked me who I was, and I told her I was Thor, the god of thunder. I struck a magnificent pose, and she gave me another strange look. She asked me a few more questions, like where I came from. I told her of Asgard and the Bifrost. She nodded politely, then told me we were going to a special room. I followed her down the hallway, and the next thing I knew, I was alone in a room with cushioned walls. They would not let me out, and for some reason, I could not get Moljnor to me!  
Your (apparently) deranged brother,  
Thor

Dear Thor,  
Loki couldn't stop laughing after he read your letter. All the monitors in his room started beeping like crazy and there were a whole bunch of doctors and nurses in here. When they finally realized he was only laughing they were all kind of mad, which only made Loki laugh harder. The doctors just left. He's still laughing... its sorta eerie. So, he doesn't really have a reply to that last letter. Just hysterical laughter. And in case you haven't figured it out, its still Nat. So, um... yeah.  
'til next time,  
Nat

* * *

Dear Loki,  
Why do you always find my misfortune so hilarious?! It irritates me sometimes. You definitely need a hug. I advise you to take up that mail fan's offer. Although, as much as you're evilness irks me, I have decided to forgive and forget. So I still love you!  
Hugs,  
brother Thor  
P.S. I have included some pretty stickers that Nat can decorate your cast with. Maybe having some adornment will bring you cheer!

Dear Thor,  
(still Nat writing. Loki always tells me to say that so he can blame the typos on me. I just roll my eyes.)  
1.) I find your misfortune hilarious because I hate you.  
2.) YOU irritate me All the time.  
3.) I do NOT need a hug, and I am never even thinking about those darn mail fans again.  
4.) I hope my evilness irks you, and as for the forgive and forget crap, I do not feel the least bit sorry.  
5.) I HATE YOU! WE AREN'T BROTHERS!  
6.) Why in the nine realms would you send me unicorn stickers?! Better question, why do YOU have unicorn stickers?!  
Drop dead,  
Loki

* * *

Dear Loki,  
If you do not want the unicorn stickers, feel free to send them back. I have a perfect use for them. I was merely trying to brighten your day.  
Your loving brother,  
Thor

Dear Thor,  
I did not say that I did not want them. I only questioned why you would give them to me.  
I still hate you,  
Loki  
P.S. That is the 2,304,218th time you've called me brother. Please stop, we both know I'm adopted. (THANK ODIN FOR THAT!)

* * *

Dear Loki,  
I find it quite funny that you like the unicorn stickers. And just because you are adopted does not mean we cannot be brothers!  
Love from your brother,  
Thor

Dear Thor,  
This is Director Fury. I'm afraid your brother has escaped. He tricked one of our junior agents into placing unicorn stickers around the magic-blocking cuff he had on. As soon as contact with the cuff was cut off, his magic returned. He instantly healed himself, then teleported away. What do you know about the stickers? I want to know where he got them.  
Help us out,  
Director Fury

* * *

Dear Fury,  
I know nothing.  
Sincerely,  
Thor


End file.
